That Empty Feeling

Going to work on weekends is the worst thing that can happen to you. In a week that is. And that happened to me. What did I accomplish? Not much actually, except the satisfaction of having wasted two perfectly good days of my life for no good reason. My Arduino kit, my pencil sketches and karaoke stints remained undone. Thank God for Monday, at least I will have a reason to be miserable.

So here I am on a perfectly good Sunday, in office doing some dry runs that will NOT make any difference to this world. After many days of relative joy, I again feel the absence of it. It’s not the work that makes me so, I just can’t figure out the reason. Now don’t get me wrong – I am not feeling very low or something. Not at all, there are certain dark desires – true. But they are better left in the dark. No, I actually don’t feel anything at all, the comforting feeling of void is all over me again. I feel humbled by it – I am not scared, not anxious and not perturbed. Just silenced…

That empty feeling - You know and you don't

The morning run started rather early, had little sleep yesterday. Again not because I was worried, but simply because I was not feeling sleepy. Hit the bed at 1 at night and woke up at 5. That’s pretty common to me though if you know me.

I also called a friend in the morning and I honestly admit I really felt very sorry for myself for calling her at all. It somehow just felt very bad – it felt so off putting, unfriendly and awkward. Bad start for office, I guess.

At office, nothing happened, as usual. Post lunch, wrote this up. Hope to publish it when I reach home.

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