SG OwnBlog

After a very long time I actually felt sick. I mean physically sick. Thursday I came from office and slept right away. On Friday dragged myself to office. Irritated Jofi and when she hit back I almost felt like frying. So anyway, she had her dance audition and dressed in fiery red. Yes I hate auditions, never attended them, even when I was a part of it. But anyway there I was - on time! It started with some solo singers - some good, most terrible. Somehow I regretted not being a part of it. Finally the group dance happened and boy oh boy, she danced like anything. I really felt proud. The guy who was her partner was superb too - all in all great chemistry and a stellar performance. I was burning by then, so as soon as it was over I left. In the bus got a call from Lali and got down and walked back to stand. She did an epic screw up with her superiors. So heard her story and after she got down I slept. Reached home and slept again but not before recording a few songs....

Yes the premonitions have returned. Remember the foreknowledge of bad things happening to people I care about/ or to me personally? The feeling of being lost, disturbed sleep at night, nightmares have all come back and I don’t like one bit of it. Under the circumstances this makes me wonder about the demons who supposedly left me about 3 years ago. Is this temporary or are these to stay again. Time will tell. That I may be running out of it is another matter altogether. Also a couple of things happened last week. Some were nice and some hurt, though I don't blame anyone. At office this friend of mine said that she sometimes worries if all the guys are like me. I was kinda taken aback - I knew what she meant. She was hoping that his boyfriend would not turn out like me. I reassured her saying that I am different, most guys are good. But it hurt like hell, the innocence and honesty with which she said that was like a grenade being lobbed under my chair. I somehow just control...

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.” This quote is from the movie 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' .  If I were to sum you up in a few lines this would be the perfect description. You are this way – not good, not bad, nothing … but you.

This is what humankind has been striving for a long time. To live a life happily. This pursuit of happiness has led to many comics, books, poems, movies, debates etc in our lives and in the past. You must have read self help books, watched talk shows and done yoga. Here I will give you something new. Something that is out of the ordinary and yet it works pretty well for me. What have I got? I got Bonku. Who is Bonku? An imaginary figure who does everything wrong, in the most hilarious ways imaginable. Also you can pin all the blame on him easily. If there's a cyclone point the finger at Bonku. Someone hates you for no apparent reason? The reason is Bonku. Do not know a particular answer to a question? It's Bonku's fault. This is a completely meaningless picture and has no relevance to the topic at hand. Any attempt to find it will lead to failure and a complete waste of time. Thanks. :D For your convenience you can give a size and shape to Bonku. Over time he...

Cher Jolie Fille, This is perhaps one medium you can read without anyone else snooping on you or catching you off guard. So here it goes. First thing's first - this story is completely and entirely real, so this might be a little long. Please take your time to read. It took me longer to write. When I was in college, I got pretty much thrown out of hostel in a week for a number of reasons. But that is not important. I stayed for the rest of the 4 years (almost) in a hired room near our college. I was very fortunate  to have a great guy to be my room-mate. He did become one of my best friends one of the few guy friends, I can safely say - Love him, without being gay. :D Just as you expect, I was pretty much like this then as well. I had flings - which I used to call nothing. I used to say - "Oh, this girl I am having something with? It's nothing". I appreciated beauty then as I do now. Of course I did not pursue all the pretty girls I saw. The girls I liked but n...

Going to work on weekends is the worst thing that can happen to you. In a week that is. And that happened to me. What did I accomplish? Not much actually, except the satisfaction of having wasted two perfectly good days of my life for no good reason. My Arduino kit, my pencil sketches and karaoke stints remained undone. Thank God for Monday, at least I will have a reason to be miserable. So here I am on a perfectly good Sunday, in office doing some dry runs that will NOT make any difference to this world. After many days of relative joy, I again feel the absence of it. It’s not the work that makes me so, I just can’t figure out the reason. Now don’t get me wrong – I am not feeling very low or something. Not at all, there are certain dark desires – true. But they are better left in the dark. No, I actually don’t feel anything at all, the comforting feeling of void is all over me again. I feel humbled by it – I am not scared, not anxious and not perturbed. Just silenced… That empt...